Monday, December 14, 2009

The Cheesy Gordita Crunch

The Best Taco Bell Item EVER.

The volcano taco is awesome, but the sinful CGC is the ultimate Bell menu item.  My obsession with the CGC is well documented among my friends.  Certain Taco Bell locations make great CGCs, but others fall short on the beloved Crunch and other feast items.   Knowing my devotion to the Cheesy Gordita Crunch, a friend sent the following text:
Friend:  "I just had the best ever cheesy gordita crunch.  Made with such stoner love the kid mixed up the taco meat sauce cheese and lettuce and then put in with extra cheese in between taco and its flat bread wrapper.  Was so fresh and warm crunchy chewy and perfectly melted.  Nom nom nom.  
Me:  "Oh lucky!  I love when they add extra sauce.  The one on Union and Kimbrough does that."  
Friend:  "Second one very standard and now disappointing.  Think I got one little stoner kid made for himself. "
Me:  "His high little ass got confused."
Friend:  "I almost want to go ask and meet the man that made such a delicious version of an almost perfect food."

In honor of the stoner kid's devotion to his craft and hazy-brained mistake that resulted in my friend's lucky experience, I have decided to list the best and worst Taco Bells in the Memphis area.  
1.)  Union at Kimbrough.  Best one in Shelby County, hands down.  
2.)  Estate between Park and Poplar
3.)  Collierville (I know, that town is awful but I used to teach classes at that YMCA.  I must do something to counteract the effect of eating Cheesy Gordita Crunches and Kooky Canuck wings with disturbing regularity.  The Taco Bell sucks much less than the town, a predictable phenomenon given the town's fascination with chain restaurants and aversion to independent ones)
1.)  The Poplar & Prescott one near University of Memphis  (This Bell is the most schizophrenic in terms of service.  The employees are absolutely delightful and this Bell features Diet Dr. Pepper, a rarity.  However, on several occasions I have received the incorrect order, and I absolutely despise any item with the nacho cheese and must return to switch it out)
1.)  E.H. Crump and Third  (no Diet Dr. Pepper, horrendous service and sullen employees)

Cafe Ole Brunch (or, Absurd Conduct Returns to My Sundays)

Cafe Ole Brunch

Cafe Ole has a tasty little brunch menu.  Somehow my friend obtained a $100 gift certificate that could be used on alcohol as well as food.  I ordered several mimosas and a margarita after Ole ran out of champagne.  This was somewhat disappointing, considering that our group of five appeared to be the only people in the place drinking mimosas.  Who goes to brunch and does not drink mimosas and bloodies?  This is incredibly puzzling, but not an unheard-of phenomenon.  I ordered the vegetable breakfast burrito.  It contained black beans and spinach, two of my favorite veggies.  The Sweet Burreet did not contain eggs, which I thought was odd for a breakfast burrito, but it was still quite good.  The cheese dip at Ole is a little different and really tasty. 

Celtic Crossing
Celtic has a mimosa special with what seems to be fresh orange juice and Yellowtail for $20 for the bottle and a carafe of juice.   I am admittedly not a juice connoisseur, as I avoid caloric beverages other than milk, beer, wine, and booze.   After about 3 rounds of this nonsense, I returned home to feast upon the delicious roast beef and mushroom platter that my boyfriend "removed" from one of the corporate officer's holiday parties after drinking about 12 Bud Heavies.  I love the holiday party season.