Friday, March 19, 2010

I Finally Left My Lair and Went To Flight!

I have been attempting not to be such a glutton, so I have not written anything since the Ode To The Cheesy Gordita Crunch.  I can't believe that spell-check does not recognize "gordita."  Fools.  I need to get back on track because National Grilled Cheese month is coming.  Anyway, I went to Flight, located in the old Stella.  The concept is cool, and somewhat similar to a tapas restaurant.  Flight has taken it a step further though, and enables one to order little servings of everything, including wine, tequila, soups, and salads.  
A few things first:  I didn't take pictures of anything because I was having too much fun with my favorite people.  The food was pretty though.  Don't expect the fish to be a healthy option.  I pretty much ruined a week of eating nothing but wine, vodka & diet tonic, Triscuits, and tuna from the can in one three-hour period.  This is one of those restaurants that does not give you salt or pepper.  I respect that you respect your craft, but if you are going to insert unseasoned, oddly textured asparagus spears in my grouper, allow my lowly self the pleasure of salting it a touch, please? 
The fish portions were huge.  I was told that one small plate would be inadequate and that ordering the flight was appropriate.  I took half of the dinner home.  
Okay, on to the feast!
WINE:     I know nothing about wine other than I LIKE IT, and that I prefer dry wine and red wine.  Clown my impressive palate if you will, je ne give a damn pas.   I chose the "Fire & Ice" pinot noir flight, which included Oregon and California wines.  The best was the Mark West Sonoma County 2008.  It was delightful.  I ordered more and more.  
APPETIZER:    A compadre ordered an appetizer of Almond Crusted Honey Baked Brie with Blueberries & Crostini.   Tasty!  I love cheese with almonds.  The berries were fresh.  I can't wait for summer.  
SALAD:    Pecan-Crusted Goat Cheese Salad contained baby spinach, sweet peppers, and andouille vinaigrette.   When I saw the salad, I was skeptical.  The goat cheese was in two marble sized balls!  I was starting to snarl at the thought of a $9 salad with these microscopic cheese balls.  The cheese was so good though, that it was perfect!  The chevre had a great flavor and the ratio was correct.  In France and Denmark, I order goat cheese salads and the cheese is a cylindrical hunk of deliciousness, so I was expecting something like that.  I wonder why I run like a deranged, vain little thing but never get super skinny. . . I like cheese portions the size of a Ford Escort.  Side note:  The Flying Saucer has great goat cheese and almonds, a treat that they recommend enjoying with a Belgian witbier.  It is pretty stellar.  
ENTREE:   I had a roommate in college who had a pet rabbit named "Entree."  We always threatened to eat Entree.  I chose the Fish Flight.  This contained Atlantic Grouper (horseradish encrusted with roasted garlic mash and asparagus); Atlantic Black Cod (with shrimp risotto and corn sauce); Chilean Seabass (with creamed potato, leeks, bacon).  They were all tasty, with the Cod being my favorite.  The asparagus was unseasoned, kind of disappointing as it is my favorite vegetable.  
DESSERT:    I don't eat that shit.  I had a couple of bourbons.  Rocks of course.  
HIGHLIGHT:  Someone fell down the stairs.  I think it was a drunken middle-aged woman.  People falling is funny.  I once tried to show my roommate in Midtown how cool I was by performing an aerial with a katana sword.  I landed the flip in the mud and bit it face first.  Black belt FAIL.  That experience has hardened me to the graceless blunders of others.  
Overall, it was the most fun night celebrating the 25th birthday of a kickass individual! 

Monday, December 14, 2009

The Cheesy Gordita Crunch

The Best Taco Bell Item EVER.

The volcano taco is awesome, but the sinful CGC is the ultimate Bell menu item.  My obsession with the CGC is well documented among my friends.  Certain Taco Bell locations make great CGCs, but others fall short on the beloved Crunch and other feast items.   Knowing my devotion to the Cheesy Gordita Crunch, a friend sent the following text:
Friend:  "I just had the best ever cheesy gordita crunch.  Made with such stoner love the kid mixed up the taco meat sauce cheese and lettuce and then put in with extra cheese in between taco and its flat bread wrapper.  Was so fresh and warm crunchy chewy and perfectly melted.  Nom nom nom.  
Me:  "Oh lucky!  I love when they add extra sauce.  The one on Union and Kimbrough does that."  
Friend:  "Second one very standard and now disappointing.  Think I got one little stoner kid made for himself. "
Me:  "His high little ass got confused."
Friend:  "I almost want to go ask and meet the man that made such a delicious version of an almost perfect food."

In honor of the stoner kid's devotion to his craft and hazy-brained mistake that resulted in my friend's lucky experience, I have decided to list the best and worst Taco Bells in the Memphis area.  
1.)  Union at Kimbrough.  Best one in Shelby County, hands down.  
2.)  Estate between Park and Poplar
3.)  Collierville (I know, that town is awful but I used to teach classes at that YMCA.  I must do something to counteract the effect of eating Cheesy Gordita Crunches and Kooky Canuck wings with disturbing regularity.  The Taco Bell sucks much less than the town, a predictable phenomenon given the town's fascination with chain restaurants and aversion to independent ones)
1.)  The Poplar & Prescott one near University of Memphis  (This Bell is the most schizophrenic in terms of service.  The employees are absolutely delightful and this Bell features Diet Dr. Pepper, a rarity.  However, on several occasions I have received the incorrect order, and I absolutely despise any item with the nacho cheese and must return to switch it out)
1.)  E.H. Crump and Third  (no Diet Dr. Pepper, horrendous service and sullen employees)

Cafe Ole Brunch (or, Absurd Conduct Returns to My Sundays)

Cafe Ole Brunch

Cafe Ole has a tasty little brunch menu.  Somehow my friend obtained a $100 gift certificate that could be used on alcohol as well as food.  I ordered several mimosas and a margarita after Ole ran out of champagne.  This was somewhat disappointing, considering that our group of five appeared to be the only people in the place drinking mimosas.  Who goes to brunch and does not drink mimosas and bloodies?  This is incredibly puzzling, but not an unheard-of phenomenon.  I ordered the vegetable breakfast burrito.  It contained black beans and spinach, two of my favorite veggies.  The Sweet Burreet did not contain eggs, which I thought was odd for a breakfast burrito, but it was still quite good.  The cheese dip at Ole is a little different and really tasty. 

Celtic Crossing
Celtic has a mimosa special with what seems to be fresh orange juice and Yellowtail for $20 for the bottle and a carafe of juice.   I am admittedly not a juice connoisseur, as I avoid caloric beverages other than milk, beer, wine, and booze.   After about 3 rounds of this nonsense, I returned home to feast upon the delicious roast beef and mushroom platter that my boyfriend "removed" from one of the corporate officer's holiday parties after drinking about 12 Bud Heavies.  I love the holiday party season.  


Monday, November 23, 2009

Restaurant Review! Hooters. Seriously.

This is not a true review, since I did not actually feast.  I had a beer feast, but since it was just pitchers of Bud Light, it was not even a noteworthy feast.  Just a few observations: 

I had to go to Hooters to watch the Eagles game once.  There are only 3 bars downtown with NFL Sunday ticket and it was "1950s Doo Wop Dance Night" at TJ Mulligans in the Pinch.  This happens on the third Sunday of each  month.  The DJ sets up a screen and apparently blasts music so loudly that watching a game is out of the question.  Sometime during the first quarter of the Eagles game we noticed a lot of old people coming into the bar, realized our mistake, and had to relocate.  Calhouns I love, but if you don't get there early you can not get a seat.  Prime Time touts itself as a sports bar but somehow does not have Sunday Ticket.  Retarded.  Alas, I was forced to go to Hooters.  Our service sucked.  Our server was about 20, and she wasn't terrible looking.  She was still in the stage where the meth had made her fairly thin, but her teeth had not rotted out yet.  It was not that she was gross, she just didn't do a good job.  She sat a a booth and talked to her boyfriend the entire time.  

The main reason for this post is to showcase this picture.  The following sign greeted me upon entering Hooters on Third & Peabody Place.  Nice grammar.  I understand that a degree in literature is not required to work at a chain restaurant, but kindergarten students should be able to match a subject to a verb in a way that is not done here. 

Restaurant Review! El Mezcal

I love El Mezcal.  While it is indeed a completely standard Mexican restaurant, it is consistent and tasty.  The pollo soup and tortilla soups are bowls of liquid deliciousness.  The service is always excellent at both the Union and Perkins locations.  The beer prices are low.  The only thing that I have ever had there that was not good was a shrimp quesadilla.  The shrimp were overcooked and I loathe overcooked food with every fiber of my hungry little being.  

The most awesome thing by far about El Mez might have to be the pronunciations on the menu. Burrito.  Bu-ree-toh.  

The Elusive Oh's

Why is Quaker Oh's cereal so difficult to find?  It is delicious and cheap.  Like $2 a box cheap.  The only place that sells it in the Memphis area is the West Memphis Wal-Mart.  I hate Wal-Mart.  This is not because I oppose the company's business practices or care whatsoever about the fact that it doesn't provide health insurance.  The job requires no special skills or training.  Shut up.  I hate Wal-Mart because one can't even buy decent running socks there.  Dri-fit apparently eludes the merchandise buyers the way that Quaker Oh's elude me.  The deli at Wal-Mart sucks.  The "seafood" selection involves Krab and frozen shrimp.  Herb selection?  Riiiiiiiight.  It is a terrible place but remains the only place that sells the delicious Quaker Oh's.  Sadness!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Restaurant Review! Miss Polly's Soul City Cafe

My boyfriend and I decided to try something new after driving to the BBQ Shop on Madison on a Sunday only to realize that it was closed.  We ventured onto Beale Street, an admittedly rare adventure for two pathologically lazy people.  After weekly meals at the Kooky Canuck (ok, maybe bi or tri-weekly) we felt that we should patronize another downtown restaurant.  
We chose Fried Chicken, Mustard Greens, and Macaroni and Cheese.  The chicken was very good.  It did not have that spicy coating featured by Gus's, but it had great flavor and we were treated to some "house hot sauce" that is not usually sitting on the tables.  It was great.  The greens, however, were tasty but cold.  We were the only people in the restaurant, so that was kind of disappointing.  The mac & cheese was basically pasta and pasteurized processed cheese food product, which is not my favorite but I am sure others like.  The cornbread muffins were really tasty.  They had jalapenos lurking within - a pleasant surprise indeed!  
The service was good, but I am not sure I would go back for anything but the chicken.  I included how I would make this meal in a concurrent post on Feast Time.